He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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