Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
