ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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