and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
