There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
