Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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