i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
