i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
