You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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