She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
