perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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