Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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