I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
