i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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