Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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