i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
