Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
True strength comes from lack of pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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