I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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