she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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