Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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