I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
