and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
