I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
