I think I won the penis lottery.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
