So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
