if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
