I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Please, let me fuck your mom
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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