So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
