I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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