guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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