i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
