there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
