..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
