Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
