I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
