I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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