I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
