wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
