Can Purell be used as lube?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
