I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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