I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
