Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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