What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
