I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
