Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
