i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
