He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
