Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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