if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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