Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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