he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
