Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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