im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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