Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just cropdusted the office
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
