he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
