Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
