Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
