My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize