Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
