you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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