just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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