Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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