What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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