At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
