idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
