I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
