He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
