I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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