So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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