What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
