The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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