Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
