im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize